After a month of not blogging, I'm back to share what I've learned! It's been a busy month so I apologize for the delay. I have been thinking a lot about these next few blogs as they have affected me greatly. The messages have continually been relevant to me and has fed my soul so much each week.
Question we are faced with is: What is fatherlessness? What is the difference of fatherless from fatherlessness?
Fatherlessness was defined as : may tatay nga hindi naman namumuhay parang tatay. Fathers that do not act/live like fathers.
While to be fatherless meant: having no father in its physical sense.
Another term was given out and it was Anti-paterianism which was defined as: ayaw kumilos na parang anak, na tipong hindi na sumusunod sa magulang. Not acting like a child to the point that the child is no longer following the parents.
So with this problems we are reminded that we ought not to make our earthly fathers as a basis of what a father should be. This brings us to the question, who is a good father or what makes a good father?
Pray, then, in this way:
‘Our Father who is in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
10 ‘Your kingdom come.
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
11 ‘Give us this day our daily bread.
12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.[For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]
From this prayer we can give three points as to what a good father should be at home.
1. There is a good relationship in your home.
Coming from the where it says: Our Father in Filipino it would say Ama namin, this is how we know that there is a relationship. The awareness of titles and the acknowledgement of who your father is a good sign of a relationship between fathers and children. It is also made aware through the behavior of children that shows that others do know that they have a working and loving relationship with their father.
Dysfunctional relationships often lead to broken homes. When fathers are not able to discipline their children they create delinquent kids and they rebel and is a prevalent problem among youth. I believe fathers have an enormous responsibility in molding their kids that if not done right will lead to so much problems in the future. It's been an observation of mine that most children that have "father issues" often don't have a direction in their life and ultimately have issues with the whole family. Issues of being irresponsible and having no sense of spirituality because there is not proper training or guidance given by the father. Mothers will do their best to teach them to at least be their best but the father's influence is essential to any child's growth as an individual.
Fathers have the responsibility of meditating on the Word and eventually sharing it to his family. It is his task to bring his family together and share the gospel. To teach them to be holy and show them everything there is about the goodness of Christ. It is the father's responsibility to lead a spiritual life as an example to his wife and children and to his friends and workmates. That his family may continually be filled with the truth of the God and that they maintain koinonia in their home. This is the only way to maintain the right relationship with your family, a peaceful home that has something to share about each day and not a house that is filled with people who silently hate each other and isn't eager to be together at all.
3. Be able to manage resources.
It is he who divides the blessing to the family which is the daily bread. Pastor said: "Hindi madali mag-ipon at magpakain sa mga anak." Para sa akin puwede pa itong dugtungan: magpa-aral, magpa-gimmick at atbp. But we all get the picture. Those fathers that work so hard will do everything for their family to have a comfortable life and live the life that they deserve. Unfortunately not every father is selfless. A father that knows how to manage the resources and blessings given to him by God knows what he is doing because he follows God. God teaches us "Give us this daily bread" meaning that fathers are to worry about today and not for tomorrow. A father that has strong faith will never worry about tomorrow as to what to eat and if God will provide for his family but of course this still comes with hard work and dedication to his responsibilities.
So these are the three points as to what a good father ought to be. Taking God as an example we are left with the responsibility, especially to men out there, to keep knowing God that we may be good fathers in the future. In addition to these three points. Pastor Doy pointed out that there are certain practices at home that must be removed and that is shouting among family members. It is not a healthy practice among family members to be verbally abusing each other and degrading each other of their dignity. There must be respect most especially coming from the father being the head of the family. Father's should be gentle but firm with their instructions, forgiving, understanding and be filled with patience. Lastly, if parents want to provide for their families they should never opt to do it the wrong way or illegally. To set as an example to your family is not to desperately earn money through ways that will compromise you or your family just to experience a life of luxury. Mothers and fathers must live by the Word and live an honest life, live by faith that God will provide and to put away all their anxieties.
This topic is very personal to me because I know what it meant to live in house that experience fatherlessness. But somehow it was confusing too in my part. This part you may know me better by me sharing a phase of my life that happened just a few years back. Back when I was younger me, my mom and my brother were often beat up because we've had such a dysfunctional family and koinonia wasn't there at all. Attending church separately, not talking during lunch or dinner, parents go overtime and when they get home it was straight to bed. We were all fighting from cousins even to housemaids and this lasted until my mom passed away 5 years ago. I was left with my brother and eventually he had to remarry which we had no choice but to accept for my father's own good. By this time fatherlessness became worse, the gap became wider and from cold and broken relationship it turned into hatred that eventually led to me leaving my home to study alone for a year. At this point it, I was being fatherless. I had no parent but an aunt to help me out. Having no father or mother to guide me, I taught myself to live, I taught myself what my parents should have taught me while growing up but this didn't make me weak and be rebellious. I wanted to prove to them that being battered and verbally abused wasn't helping me and that I was insecure enough to even go through this life as an individual, that what they do to me affect my relationships outside my home. To be be fatherless or experience fatherlessness was for me not having confidence in myself, I lacked training, I was pressured, I was a mess. I didn't know myself fully, I had a hard time accepting things and forgiving those who have wrong me as pride ate me up all those time that I had for myself. But it has been years and I have learned to forgive and God has been gracious and merciful in accepting me again and forgiving me. Learning the Word and catching up to so many things my father would have taught me. This is what I meant when I was confused. My father knew how to manage his resources, in fact he was a diligent and hard working man but with issues with temper back then. He was holy and very devoted, and up to now he is very active so he was never lacking in the knowledge of God he just didn't share it with us with much joy. Once in a while you'd feel that he is teaching us to be holy and that the importance of prayerful life was essential but he was so stiff and selfish with his knowledge that we never really had that same understanding of the Bible and it was entirely up to us to understand it. So for me and my family it was really about the relationship, there are deeper issues that I cannot disclose to everyone that explains as to how complicated our problem is as father and son. I grew up not saying po or calling him dad, and we've just grown to feel uncomfortable around him and it is only these past year that this has been fixed and years of healing is needed to patch up a broken relationship. So to conclude, fathers greatly affect the future children. As cliche as it may sound there really is no other way to put it. It is not only compensated by their presence but is really what they teach and impart that help make us(as children) who we are.
My prayer is for the next generation of fathers to come that they invest their time on their children properly. That they value God's Word and that they live holy lives that they may be the one to lead their family to Christ and that they will enjoy each other completely. I pray that fathers will know the right kind of parenthood that the next generation of worshipers will not stray away from the truth and that the faith may be transferred to them as well. Amen
