Knowing oneself is usually a task I leave out to others and
it really has not been a concern of mine until I realized that understanding who I am helps me take the unwanted behaviors and mental processes out of my
system as I grow up. Understanding human development helped me through this and
as an adult it has become clearer for me what I believe needs improvement in my
personality as well as my strengths as an individual. Allow me in the next few paragraphs show you
the complex mix that I am with the help of Psychology.
I believe it is only proper to begin with the description of
who I am. I am Dennis, an elder brother to two step brothers, step sister and a brother from my parents. I am
24 years of age, born and raised in a Protestant family. I prefer travelling
than staying put in one place and I am inclined in playing music as well as
cooking and baking. To delve deeper into these interests of mine I’d like
Psychology to do the explaining for me.
Psychodynamic Perspective
The most prevalent trait about me is being much of an
introvert. I’m not so good with people let alone approach anyone in confidence
and strike a conversation with them. The idea of it sends me shivering and with
sweaty palms. There really is something about me having this difficulty with
socializing and being receptive to people especially when they are in groups.
It takes time for me warm up to them and I choose the types of people to talk
to. Often I find it easier to talk to people who introduce themselves first and
open up right away; otherwise I do not take effort in relating with them unless
I am required to do so.
The Psychodynamic
Perspective would say, or as Sigmund Freud would suggest, is that unconsciously
I tend to attach some form of judgment of myself that others may have on me
that causes me to not mingle comfortably with other people. There could also be
this unconscious fear of rejection and embarrassment for approaching someone
the wrong way. This could be explained by an early childhood experience that
constantly rings in my head even with the words passing through my head, it is
that one statement that my father made about “not talking at all if there is no
sense in what you will say”. I find myself struggling to be vocal even stutter
in front of anyone.
 |
| Drinking party with Culinary friends |
Another trait of me that I am able to practice
is my control for any form vices. While I am able to completely inhibit myself
from smoking or even using drugs, I rarely get myself into drinking sessions or
parties. It used to be something I would never consider until I entertained the
idea of drinking and made sure I still did it in moderation. I was trained as a
child at home and at church to completely abstain from such activities so up
until I got into culinary school that was the only time I started drinking. In
the first place I never really understood the pleasure that you get from it,
alcohol was too bitter for me and I found nothing beneficial with drowning
myself in it. This is a classic example of the id, ego and superego. By the time I've found it pleasurable to drink
with friends my id works in a way
where my instincts tell me to drink till my heart’s desire while my superego tells me not to do so because
getting drunk leads to many forms of consequences. The ego works telling me that in most cases not to keep going since I
am driving or I have to commute home and my tolerance for alcohol is not as
high compared to my friends. Until now
these three have helped me in disciplining myself in functions and I've managed
to be a casual drinker.
Humanistic Perspective
Growing up I’ve had my share
of ups and downs, being the eldest in the family entails a huge responsibility and
there was so much pressure on my end. The pros of being the first child are
probably getting much of the needed unconditional
positive regard that Carl Rogers talked about. There were times that I
would experience harsh disciplining but my Mother and the adults around me
would show empathy towards me. My aunts and uncles would usually be the ones
who are open and would accept my difficulties and struggles. Admittedly I
developed some sense of inferiority but other people helped me fully actualize
myself.
"The organism has one basic tendency and striving - to actualize, maintain, and enhance the experiencing organism” (Rogers, 1951, p. 487).
I would have to
say that my last few years of catching up in college have allowed me to fully
actualize myself through various opportunities despite the number of failures
that I have encountered. I am slowly achieving congruence where my self-image
is matched the ideal self. My girlfriend
would often say “You overlook how good you are, you have such a low
self-esteem” and true enough I do have issues with self-concept. I find that my self-worth during my adolescence stage
was that I’d be stuck in mediocrity despite how hard I tried to strive for
excellence.
Behavioral Perspective
The way I take studying or any form of
interest seriously could be explained by the Behavioral Perspective. Partially with the influence of my parents,
I am often compared to my classmates whether in writing or performing in school
I was always given a benchmark to follow.
Bandura pointed out
the theory of self-efficacy which
pretty much applies to what I have experienced. I have been accustomed to train
myself to be as competitive as with the other kids in school. I always see
myself being able to be in that same level and the more that I trained myself
to be that way the better I performed in anything whether academically or
extra-curricular. I keep telling myself not to avoid the difficult challenges
so I can flexible with other tasks. It is also in my nature not to blame my
abilities instead the amount of effort of that I put into any task or maybe the
task was harder-than-usual which are all stated in the Attribution Theory. All of these are stated in Bandura’s Social Cognitive Theory where a person
like me goes through observational learning in developing my personality. I have
also come to realize that through Reciprocal
Determinism that actively participating in class or any function in society
allows me to be more welcomed in such groups.
Putting this all together I would have to say
that I am striving to reach my full potential as a person and as much as
possible stay conservative. A huge part of me works hard to compensate for
anything in my personality that I’ve acquired to be unpleasant by constantly
observing other people. I would have to say that I live vicariously through
other people’s lives and fit it to the ideal person that I want to be.
Current Stage of development
At 24, I am at a stage where relationships do matter and a lifelong
partner is essential. According to the Filipino culture and my biological
features would suggest it is high time that I establish an intimate
relationship. Erikson stated in his Psychosocial
Theory that I belong to a stage where we learn Intimacy versus Isolation. The crucial part of being in the 20’s
where we hand pick our friends those whom we can fully trust our lives with and
at the same time a potential partner that you can share your vows with.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years
and we are at a stage where the idea of marriage is absolutely part of our consciousness
and this is proven by Erikson’s theory of intimacy versus isolation. He
explained it as “finding oneself yet
losing oneself to another” and I could not agree more with this statement.
At the period of my life where I find my independence and stability in becoming
an adult I also lose myself to my partner and give her a part of me, a
commitment I am prepared to make.
There is this persistent fear of being left alone and
spending the rest of your life as a “matandang
binata or dalaga” since there is this sense of comfort that we get from our
partners, this thought motivates us to stay together. The major issue in this stage
could be the conflicts that arise with our relationship and career paths. Both
aspects have different demands and establishing my position as an adult would
sometimes clash with my relationship with my partner. Issues of priority and
commitment arise and if both are not balanced there is this fear of separation.
Isolation is the last thing I want to happen. Love must be dealt in the most
mature level possible since major decisions will be made a few years from now.
Learning style
Learning as a
child I was highly motivated by rewards, I remember one instance where I was
still memorizing the multiplication table and a batman figurine was waiting for
me right before my eyes as long as I could get the whole thing. I eventually
got it and that positive reinforcement
worked for me every time. If I would not perform well I was given a positive punishment so that I would
refocus myself. Even until now, I
make it a point to reward myself after finishing a series of exams of projects
especially if I know if I’ve done well, this is explained by Thorndike’s Law of
Effect. There was something about the Operant
Conditioning type of learning that pushed me to become a better student.
Observational Learning
The other style is being observational
which I feel like I have been doing half of my life. More often I was left to
learn everything on my own somehow to my disadvantage. I learned things by observing
other people’s lives and how they make their decisions and ultimately the
consequences of their actions. It does save me from doing trial and error but there are more concrete things that I have not
learned that my parents have somehow neglected to teach me with.
How these affect my way of learning
Both ways of learning have allowed me to be more of an experiential
learner. I figure out things on my own and when I am faced with that situation
and I am able to solve it or get through it I reward myself reinforcing the
fact that I've done the right thing. I confirm the validity of my actions by
how other people will react in what I've done. If I believe I have not behaved
properly then I do not deserve to be rewarded and there are permanent changes
to be done.
Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™
Your Type
INTP
Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(12%) iNtuitive Thinking(62%) Perceiving(22)%
You have distinctive preference of Introversion over Extraversion (67%)
You have distinctive preference of Introversion over Extraversion (67%)
· You have slight preference
of Intuition over Sensing (12%)
· You have distinctive preference
of Thinking over Feeling (62%)
· You have slight preference
of Perceiving over Judging (22%)
According to the Jung Typology Test I got an INTP meaning
Introvert, Intuitive, Intuitive Thinking and Perceiving. Reading through a
concise description of INTP’s I laughed and kept nodding my head as I concur
with it. Just a list of words that described me: “pensive, analytical, detached, oblivious, inclined in correcting others,
easy-going, amenable until principles are violated (about which others may
become outspoken and inflexible), prefers a reserved albeit benign ambiance, spend
considerable time second-guessing themselves, obsession with logical
correctness but overlooks details, loves to play with Mathematics, and one
major concern is the haunting sense of impending failure. In seasons of low
energy level, or moments of single-minded concentration, the INTP is aloof and
detached in a way that might even offend more relational or extraverted
individuals.”
How did all this build up into my personality then? I
remember growing up as a happy kid, up until my whole middle school life I kept
thinking I was the class clown and I could easily blend in with any group. My
personal set of friends were never more than 10 kids though whether in my
neighborhood or in school. I guess everything changes in high school. Culture
shock and all other things made the world I knew seem bigger. I thought to myself
there was only so much I knew. This is what the Behaviorists would explain as me being conditioned by my
environment.
Temperament for
me became slow to warm up to people. There came a point that having too many
people that exhibited a more dominant personality made me feel somehow awkward
or off and I set myself to be more of a wallflower. It was not my thing to seek
for attention; I was and still preferred to be more personal with my friends. I
could only handle conversations on a one-on-one basis.
Introverted as I am, I made sure that I would fight my
way through high school and my earlier parts of college. It was in my
personality to be more eager with tasks though not in an extra-curricular
manner, I made it a point to work hard academically. It could be a biological trait that runs through our
family of professionals. To be analytical and to have this appreciation for
math is not what everyone would have but I always loved the challenge of
Mathematics and being able to solve them with ease.
Another side of me would be my right brain working balancing
out my left brain. I hate being in one place, I often crave to travel to any
place and appreciate any form of art and food. I can associate this to my
passion for food which is the reason after not doing well with accountancy I
followed my instincts to take culinary arts. I always thought of myself to be
the adventurous type, I didn’t want to wind up in a room full of papers and be
in front of the computer all day. It was an ideal
self that I tried pursuing but would not really work out for me since it
did not match my real self.
What
defenses I use to cope with
problems
Some of the less primitive and more mature defense
mechanisms that I use to cope with problems would be repression, displacement and undoing.
I've had a history of witnessing beatings at home being
part of it as well I as much as possible repress these memories. I often have
trust issues with people or being insensitive which others associate this of my
past bad experiences. To be of proper behavior I repress these memories as much
as possible to be able to relate much better with other people that find me
difficult as a person. I also switch moods instantly at times which is caused
by a particular stimulus and this is where displacement occurs. I would often
direct my emotions when irritated to anyone near me or those who try to make me
feel better which eventually leads to additional problems. I would have to then
deal with them by apologizing which another defense mechanism is called undoing where I counteract the damage I’ve
done to this particular person.
Other mature defense mechanisms are sublimation and compensation.
I often get into stress eating and when I become down the
impulse of gorging myself with food just comes and sometimes through
sublimation I choose to exercise rather than get myself fat or leave myself
bloated with so much food. I can choose to direct these energies towards a
physical activity or some other form of creative output or play music instead
of regretting to eat that burger value meal that’s just around the corner. I
also put humor to unacceptable thoughts so I can lighten up any problems or
stress. I feel that for a moment I can forget them and they can be solved
eventually. Another is compensation and a lot of times when I see myself
failing in anything that has to do with technical skills, speaking or any other
skill in which I consider a weakness I remind myself of other learned skills
that I am good at like playing an instrument or cooking which actually helps to
keep me out of that state of having low self-esteem.
Nature Vs. Nurture
I believe in the concept of both aspects influencing human
development. Growing up I found that I may not exactly be as competitive as my
father or anyone in their side but part of me knows I am able to excel in my
own way. The environment around me allows motivates me to do so like the
university I am in, my peers and other people that see a different kind of
potential in me. It only means that although I may not be genetically
predisposed to be a lawyer or accountant or whatnot but with an enriched
environment to which I am exposed to I still can be a successful entrepreneur
in my own right.
Going through the mind of Psychologists was informative and
it brought many realizations. Throughout this time of contemplating of who I
really am I have given myself the chance to profile my personality and behavior
and other things that go through my head. These different perspectives are a
well of knowledge that I’ve come to appreciate and I have accepted my strengths
and look forward to working my weaknesses out.
No comments:
Post a Comment